tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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