I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
