well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
