My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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