We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
