And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
