Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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