Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
