Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
