i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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