yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
