I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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