walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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