I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize