he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
