Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
