its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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