i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
