I wish I could teleport
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
