Can i not drive my cunt home
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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