none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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