did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
