I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
