If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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