If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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