Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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