Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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