That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
