Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
