Sorry, I don't speak sober.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
