One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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