She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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