I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize