it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
