we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
