i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
