I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
