don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
