I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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