my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
