Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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