Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
