so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
