i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
