Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
