Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
