She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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