I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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