we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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