If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
