Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
