He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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