They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
