you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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