look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
