this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
