dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
