Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You are the jesus of drinking
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
