so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
