I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
