you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
whose parrot is this?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
