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I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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