Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How does one acquire holy water?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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