I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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