We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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