He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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