is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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