Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
