just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Of course I have a pirate flag
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
