oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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