It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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